Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So, what’s on your nightstand?

I’ve always heard that what is on a person’s nightstand can tell you whether or not he (or she) is an intellectual. I hate to shock you all, but I’m no genius. (No, really. It’s true. Close your slack jaw.)

But you know what I can do with that button? Yah, that’s right. I can make a gum holder out of it. Or I can throw it at you. And the little red Lego? Watch out because I’ll put that thing on the floor when you’re not looking, and you’ll step on it. Oh, ouch. Score one for me. **fist bump** The little clippy thing used for securing an ace bandage could easily double as a Breathe Right strip. That sucker would not come off in the night, either. (BTW – I am not above that tactic.) Needle and thread: used for zipping up chatty kids. Safety pin: helloooo, bra clasp! Duh. And if you have to ask what the miniature magic eight ball is for, you’re not worthy of my blog.

Also – just FYI - I could empty out my purse at any point and put together something resembling the Starship Enterprise. You’d be amazed at what shiny gum wrappers (some with chewed gum), bank receipts and 83 pens can create!

I know you probably thought my nightstand would be neat and clean and filled with smarty pants things like Tolstoy or Rubik’s Cube or books of Sudoku, but I’m complicated enough without that crap cluttering up my head. So if your nightstand has a copy Popular Mechanics on it, I hope I don’t offend you when I say leave me to my stuff and take your intellectual self to the local Mensa chapter where you belong! My junk may not scream Harvard or Wharton School, but at least it’s functional. Like the paperback version of Anna Karenina that I use as a coaster. Take that, Tolstoy!

True story.

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