Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Separated at birth

I have a sinus issue. Ugh. I hate it. It’s one of the miseries of living in the lavish Ohio valley. I’m on perma-pills for my allergies, and I think sometimes that gives me this false hope that someday, I’ll be cured of my ailment. I read somewhere that every seven years, your body adjusts and things that you were once allergic to suddenly aren’t, well, what’s the word? Allergiable? Whatever. That hasn’t happened to me yet – but I remain hopeful.

But I digress. Back to sinuses. I hate how it all starts – the drippy crap in the throat that makes me sound like I’m a two-pack-a-day lounge singer. Then the stuffy headache. The cough. And this is my favorite part – people call, and then they casually say, good lord, what the hell is wrong with you? You sound awful. That a frog in your throat? Gee. Huh. No – that would be SNOT, thank you very much. And they say - Well, I’m just saying, you sound husky. And, just to add to my humiliation, my husband assures me that when the sinus gods have their way with me, I snore. Apparently, like the Pugs. Oh, gawd. This is my worst nightmare.

I try not to give this much thought, given my years in therapy overcoming anxieties that are surely far worse then this. Money well-spent. Right?

Um, maybe not. I’m thumbing through my photo folders, trying (not very successfully) to organize them differently. And I find this photo in a folder marked MSC. Oh, heavens. I have a flashback of fourth grade when Tina Davidson used to pick on me by holding her nose up with her thumb: PUG NOSE! You have a PUG nose!

Pug nose?

Thumb back to folders (dozens of them) marked DOGS. O.M.G. Pug nose! Snoring! I think Tina (that little snot!) must have given a prophecy of some kind – it must have been. The sinus gods are having a hardy laugh right now. They were living for this moment when I discovered that there is a reason I snore like a Pug. Come on – you know you see them resemblance…

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