blame the toothpaste

I run about 10 minutes behind the rest of the world – I know this, and most people who know me know this. What most people don’t know is why. So I invite you for a tour of my head on any given morning.

Tuesday morning. Doctor appointment at 10:00. Showered, hair looks semi-okay, wearing the lightest clothes I can find because you know they are going to weigh me. I have the mental checklist going on: glass of ice for root beer , iPhone ear buds, don’t need the charger because I have an extra in the car, can of root beer already in purse, maybe I should wear different shoes that don’t weigh as much, make sure to wear glasses.

Crap I forgot to brush my teeth. Run back to bathroom, grab toothbrush. UGH. Where’s the freakin’ toothpaste?? Immediate thought: blame kid. I stomp off to the other bathroom, but I only find his nasty toothbrush, a dirty spit-filled sink and a tube of mint Crest that’s been left open and is oozing onto the counter. Meh. Mental note: make kid clean bathroom.

Maybe I left it in the shower?

Nope.

Would I have brought it to the kitchen? Unlikely, but not unheard of.

Nope.

Alright. Frantically search bathroom drawers. Nothing but my toothbrush.

Wait. What? My toothbrush? Look down at hand. Huh - look at that. It’s toothpaste I’ve been carrying around. **snort**  Oh dear. Hmmm. I start to worry about getting older. Could it be? Sure it could! But I much prefer to blame it on the ADHD – so much easier than admitting I just turned 40. Mental note: this really should be my next blog post. OH! I should take a photo of this for InstaGram.

Trot off to the kitchen, and I happen to find kid’s birthday ice cream sprinkles on the table – complete with candles. Oh I am so clever. Dump candles and toothpaste on kitchen table, take photo. Crap! I have a doctor’s appointment! Out the door.

Time wasted: exactly 10 minutes. Now you know.

Fast forward 12 hours. Need to brush before bed. UGH! Where is my toothpaste?

 
True story.